The tiny scrubby pad you get attached to your bottle of L’oreal Go Clean facial wash is called a scrublet!  I may die.  Then again, I probably won’t, since I was so skilled at choosing sides in the makeup war.

I’m just saying…

If your facial wash has a tiny scrubby pad attached to it, you’re looking like Seal Team Six.  If not, it’s like you’re hunkered down in your mansion, drinking Coke and waiting for the end.  Can you call it a war if the outcome is so certain?

Seriously.  This looks like the sort of dumb craft she would come up with. 

One brand, I’m ashamed of you.  After the steamy hotness of the chenille body sponge that had us all ready to blow our loads, you give us this?  What a nightmare.

I can’t take this anymore…I’ve got to go.  Shower.  With my chenille body sponge.  Again.

Oh my god you guys.  Look what I found.

It’s like your mom finally quit cramping your style and let you do what you’ve been asking to do since your were five:  get naked and inappropriate with your blankie.  Yeah baby.  Get it all soapy and wet.  ALLLLL soapy and wet.  And then wash with it.  Aaah yeah.

The One Chenille Bath and Body Sponge.  I need one.

Stat.

Why is Carmex the worst lip balm in the history of lipcare?  It seriously just dries your lips out even more.  I’m not joking…it’s terrible.  And I feel like anyone who’s not my mom can agree on this.

All natural?  I like that.  Also exfoliating.  That’s high on my priority list.  But it doesn’t give me a recommended shelf life.  I want to think that it becomes less of a festering petri dish of stuff that can eventually make you sick, but who’s to say it actually outranks a Dollar Tree poufie or a $6 Dove “shower tool?”  But hey…the packaging is really nice, so why ask questions?

One Exfoliating Bath and Body Sponge:  $4.99

Yes, it may cost almost six dollars, but I might have to splurge and buy myself one of these bad boys (assuming the gods of gender-specific merchandising don’t strike me dead for trying to clean my vagina with it).  I just think it would be so handy!  Mesh side for building lather, scrub side for exfoliation…I may have found a replacement for the $1, lasts-about-three-weeks-before-it-falls-apart-or-becomes-too-full-of-bacteria-to-actually-clean-you-anymore poufies that I normally gravitate toward.

Since I’m still scratching my scalp like a paranoid hobo due to that head lice post, I’d like to take my mind off of thoughts of parasites to ask you one question:

What in the name of christ are Zhu Zhu Pets?